Skills Alternatives to Aggression

Aggression:
Many times, students respond to negative feelings with aggressive choices. Too many times, these choices are the one's that lead to office referrals, verbal and physical aggression. Here are some steps in teaching students how to use self-control.

In 1997, McGinnis & Goldstein wrote:

rage: USING SELF-CONTROL:

    1. Stop and count to 10.- Discuss the importance of allowing yourself time to cool off and think.
    2. Think of how your body feels.- Discuss how bodily cues may signal losing control (e.g., your hands become sweaty, you feel hot or weak).
    3) Think about your choices:
      a. Walk away for now.- Students should ask to leave the area for a few minutes, if necessary, until they regain control.
      b. Do a relaxation exercise.- Teach students Relaxing.
      c. Write about how you feel.
      d. Talk to someone about it.- Discuss choosing someone who would be likely to understand.
    4. Act out your best choice.- If one choice doesn't work, the student should try another one (p. 126).

self: AVOIDING TROUBLE:

    1) Stop and think about what the consequences of an action might be.- With students, ceate a list of the possible consequences of particular actions.
    2) Decide if you want to stay out of trouble:- Discuss how to decide if it is important to avoid these consequences.
    3. Decide what to tell the other person.
    4) Tell the person- Disscuss how to say no in a friendly but firm way (p. 129)

control: STAYING OUT OF FIGHTS:

    1) Stop and count to ten. - Discuss how using this can help the student to calm down.
    2) Decide what the problem is:- Discuss the consequence of fighting and whether fighting can solve a problem.
    3) Think about your choices:
      a. Walk away for now.- Students should ask to leave the area for a few minutes, if needed.
      b. Talk to the person in a friendly way.- Discuss how to "read" the behavior of the other peron (i.e., is he/she calm enough to talk with) and evaluate one's own degree of calmness and readiness to talk about the problem. Discuss ways to state the problem inoffensively.
      c. Ask someone for help in solving the problem.- Discuss who can be the most help: teacher, parent, or friend.
    4) Act out your best choice. - If one choice doesn't work, the student should try another one (p. 130).

Solving: PROBLEM SOLVING:

    1) Stop and say, "I have to calm down."- Discuss ways to calm down-- for example, take three deep breaths, count to 10.
    2) Decide what the problem is- Stress the importance of reflecting on the reason the student is upset.
    3. Think about different ways to solve the problem.- List and discuss a variety of altenatives and the consequences of each.
    4) Choose one way.- Discuss how to weigh alternatives to pick the best choice.
    5) Do it.
    6) Ask Yourself, "How did this work?"- If one alternative doesn't work, the student should try another (p. 131)

scold: ACCEPTING CONSEQUENCES:

    1) Decide if you were wrong.- Discuss that it is okay to be wrong: Everyone makes mistakes, and it's not the end of the world.
    2) If you were wrong, say to yourself, "I have to accept consequences."
    3. Say to the person, "Yes, I did ____ (describe what you did)."- Discuss how to describe the behavior without making excuses.
    4) Say something else:
      a. How will you avoid this the next time? Point out that this should be said in a friendly manner.
      b. Aplogize. Emphasize sincerity (p. 132).
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